You can’t be sad, you can’t be anything when you’re empty. I feel numb. I guess I refuse to acknowledge the pain, the struggle. I wanted to hate life. I wanted to hate myself. Or maybe I hated it already.
I don’t know what life would bring to me and I don’t want to know anymore. Maybe I’ll be stuck with this routine I have in my so-called life. And I realized it’s true, routine is lethal.
It happened. The thing I fear the most happened. I’ve been pushed in the world of isolation. I only have no one. It’s hard. Myself is also giving up on me. Getting through the needle’s hole is not as hard as having a gigantic hole in front of you but you are too paralyzed to carry on.
This time, all i wanted is the end of this agony. Be filled or be slashed.
ps. this is a rant not a suicide note
You changed my whole world
with just a blink of an eye
and that is something
I could never deny.
When you’re around me
it seems like everything shines
feels like I’ve won something
for the millionth time.
What matters most is that you loved.
Ibigay mo ang lahat ng pagmamahal na kaya mong ibigay dahil yun naman ang importante. Alam mo sa sarili mo na hindi ka nagkulang.. Ang masakit lang na part dun, binibigay mo na nga lahat pero hindi pa rin sapat.
Grow Up With Me- Keaton Henson
Grow up with me
Let’s run in fields and fear the dark together
Fall off swings and burn special things
And both play outside in bad weather
Let’s eat badly
Let’s watch adults drink wine and laugh at their idiocy
Let’s sit in the back of the car,
Making eye contact with strangers driving past
Making them uncomfortable
Not caring, not swearing, don’t fuck
Let’s both reclaim our superpowers
The ones we all have and lose with our milk teeth
The ability not to fear social awkwardness
To panic when locked in the cellar
Still sure there’s something down there
And while picking from pillows each feather
Let’s both stay away from the edge of the bed
Forcing us closer together
Let’s sit in public, with ice cream all over both our faces
Sticking our tongues out at passers by
Let’s not find it funny lest someone falls over
Classical music is boring
Poetry baffles us both
There’s nothing that’s said is what’s meant
Plays are long, tiresome, sullen and filled
With hours that could be spent rolling down hills
And grazing our knees on cement
Let’s hear stories and both lose our innocence
Learn about parents and forgiveness
Death and morality
Kindness and art
Thus losing both of our innocent hearts
But at least we won’t do it apart.
“But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”